Tuesday, April 26, 2005
I am closing this blog. Kind of.
I am moving it to my friends only LJ.
But.. I still would probably post here. But not as often. Only when I feel like it.
Posted at 09:23 am by me
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Thursday, December 30, 2004
Last Wednesday, we went to see each other. We ate somewhere, walked around and watched a movie. Everything just seemed so right. We talked and laughed like as if nothing happened in the past. I enjoyed those 5 hours of being with him. In fact, I already miss him. As soon as we got separated from each other that day, we sent sms messages non stop and we even talked on ym again. Until the next day, we still kept sending sms messages. We also called each other and we talked on ym til dawn. Everything was okay until he told me that he's still confused. I asked him why and he said he couldn't understand himself. And he even said that everything's still complicated... After all those happy moments and thoughts of him, I just suddenly felt sad. I even cried. I can't help it. I just felt so weak... What is wrong with the both of us? I myself couldn't understand. *sigh*
Posted at 09:22 pm by me
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Friday, December 24, 2004
the best christmas gift...
Christmas really is here. I remember when I was a kid, I'm usually excited of Christmas because of the gifts I'll be receiving. Toys, clothes, money... As I grew older. There are other important things that made my Christmas more special. And no material gift can ever be compared to it.
This Christmas, I received something really special. Me and my ex are now talking to each other. We even talked on the phone this morning... After years of practically ignoring each other. We are now FINALLY talking. I've prayed for this for a long time and now, it has been granted. And I thank You so much for that..
We talked a lot. And there's something in me (in my heart) that knows how much I still love him. I know I do, even if I try to deny it often times. I still do... He's been acting all sweet but I dunno if he really mean everything he said.
For whatever may happen.. Please help me make the right decision.. Thank You..
Posted at 09:39 am by me
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Tuesday, December 21, 2004
I've been talking to my ex the whole day on ym... He told me he misses me. It's been years since we last talked. And I didn't expect him to be this way... I always thought he'd already forgotten everything about me... We both want to see each other soon.. And talk personally..
Does he want me back? ...
Posted at 12:02 pm by me
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Monday, December 20, 2004
Talked to a friend today... I dunno but he made me open up about my past. About me and my ex. I've never been dramatic to anyone before and I don't usually tell people cos I'd rather keep things to myself. But he made me... And he helped me a lot.
We talked all day... I cried. He'll definitely makes a good counsel. He told me that I should talk to my ex and settle things. Clarify things before it's too late... I hesitated so many times. and it took me ages before I agreed... He's got my ex's ym id and he told me to talk to him. I did. I imed my ex although it took me an hour staring at the ENTER button.. And I did.. I finally got to talk to him on ym just a few hours ago. And we talked. It was a bit weird but it seemed like nothing happened in the past. Then it came to me, what if school starts again? Is it still going to be akward talking to him? ... It's been years. And it's kind of weird just talking to him personally after all that have happened.. It's easier talking on ym. So I don't know if I can really talk to him personally once school opens again. *sigh*
It's cool that at least we could talk on ym. And it feels good that I've told him what I always wanted to tell him. So thank You.. So much... I know You made a way.. Thank You. I know You listen to my prayers... I feel quite better now. =)
He's probably moved on.. And I'm hoping that I can do the same... For whatever may happen. I know it's Your will and I know that it's for the better.
Thank You.
Posted at 08:03 am by me
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Sunday, December 19, 2004
Loving someone is the best feeling I've ever felt. But letting go's the hardest thing I have to go through. I probably have loved him so much that it has become so difficult for me to forget... I just keep falling in love with him over and over...
The thing is... He probably doesn't want me back. He doesn't seem to care at all. He probably has buried our memories behind... But why do I have to suffer this way? Why can't I just forget? He's moved on but why can't I? Is this the price to have to pay for everything I've done?
I feel so hopeless...
Please. I HAVE TO forget it all. Help me move on with my life...
Posted at 09:27 pm by me
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Hi Jesus,
Yesterday's a blast! I really had fun. I'm so glad that I got to join my classmates/friends on this great great party. It's probably our last celebration before we all go on our separate lives... I really am going to miss them..
It's been quite a while.. Him and I haven't been talking for ages. A huge part of me feels that it's actually my fault why things turned out this way. I was waaay too childish back then. I didn't know what I was doing. And now I'm regretting it... I know everything's way too late. It's been difficult dealing with it. I'm hoping I could talk to him. So I could at least say sorry...
I always end up being confused. I thought I was so okay, but I wasn't. I still have feelings and questions hanging... Eventually, I tell myself to just get over the whole thing once and for all. But I just can't. It's not easy. And there are way too many what if's popping in my head...
I'm happy that we've made up today... But I dunno. I still have this akward feeling and those what if questions keep popping through my head. I am confused. I keep wondering when will I ever get the answers to these questions.
Please help me figure this out.. I am so lost...
Posted at 10:48 am by me
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